Issue 2 is out. "Issue 2 of what?" you may ask. Well, all will become clear if I ever get around to explaining it.

Apologies and explanations later, but first, something you may be interested in...

Remember what I was saying about Obama being cool?

Better make that bad-ass.

You know who isn't a badass mutha ucka? The toadying CNBC interviewer: "Oh that fly is so persistent! Oh that was such a manly slap! Oh Mr President you're so cool!"

Obama doesn't need someone to tell him he's cool. You know why? Because he's a badass mutha ucka.

Meanwhile, in the United Grey-dom, Speaker Martin has presided over his last PMQs. Play him off, keyboard cat...

I really wish Have I Got News For You was still on, they might have been able to make this funny, rather than just horrifying. Having said that, the smarmy bastard looks like he's in pretty good shape: which either means hatred burns calories or some photoshop artist somewhere just had the worst weekend of their life.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to scratch my eyes out...

Can you even imagine something like this happening in British politics right now? I'm serious, can you actually picture Gordon Brown (or Cameron or Clegg) being at once spontaneously funny, approachable, informed, in control and...what's that word? Oh yeah, cool. I just can't get transpose this scene to Britain: it seems too strange even for dreams.

I've been a commited America-phile (Amerophile?) for as long as I can remember. It wasn't easy during the Bush years. I would get some dirty looks from my ultra-liberal friends, before they all decided the USA was A-OK again. Even during those dark times I would dream of living in the country that gave us modern democracy and Reese's Pieces. Now my desire to strap on some Mickey Mouse ears, chop the 'H' off 'herbs' and ship out to the land of the free is almost overwhelming. I don't think I'm alone in this: Obama signals the beginning of a golden age for American dreamers. I found it oddly significant the little girl in the video is called Kennedy.

Having said that, it's also the country where politicians freely accuse talk show hosts of paedophilia.

In personal news: the exciting things mentioned last post have moved from the horizon to the middle distance. Please understand: these are exciting things for me personally. Once/If they are revealed here, you will probably great them with indifference, maybe even hostility over their sheer inconsequentiality. Then again, I am an inconsequential man, living an inconsequential life, and as such I offer no apology.

The BNP did not win those two seats, the other parties lost them. The BNP vote did not increase, but voter apathy in the main parties dropped the bar down low enough for them to ooze over into power and a significant funding boost. Thus, the BNP are in the ascendant because a few motivated racists can outpace the rest of the country.

I'm angry. I'm angry at the BNP for being the BNP. I'm angry at the main parties for breaking democracy under the weight of their greed. But most of all I'm angry at the people who didn't vote on Thursday, the ones who were too lazy or who wanted to 'send a message'. Well, message received: you're an idiot and now Nick Griffin's booking his flight to Brussels.

On Thursday we were asked to pick the best from a bad bunch. Not ideal, true, but it stops us from getting the worst.

On a personal note, I know it's been a long time since my last post, but there are a few exciting things on the horizon which I hope to tell you about soon.

Well, today's exam was two hours of unrelenting torment. Still, only one more to go before the end of the term. I feel like I'm guiding a plane that's low on fuel in for a crash landing, except the plane's my academic career and the fuel's my enthusiasm for the subject. Also, the plane is on fire.

Anyway, short post yet again. Enjoy, you happy few.

Prescott's a funny one: I both adore his antics and break out in a cold sweat whenever he appears on screen. He's like Boris without the vocabulary, or your drunk uncle given a dispatch box and croquet mallet. Still, sometimes he's just what you need after a particularly hellish exam.

I love you too Prezza.

... I'm 20 hours away from a very, very important essay deadline and am in a full-blown-laptop-smashing panic.

Still, thought I'd quickly highlight this deliberately ambiguous headline, just in from the BBC:

Two dead in 'chemical incident'

What in the hell is a chemical incident? Is it an explosion? A terrorist attack? A spilt bottle of bleach? The headline is so careful not to misinform it ends up saying just enough to terrify: letting the imagination run wild over the tiny, incredibly vague word 'incident', which could equally mean stubbing a toe or destroying the world.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get back to a much more tangible terror.

[Runs off screaming]

Just in case the exams totally wipe me out for the next wee while, two posts today. You lucky people.

The defeat of the government in today's vote on the settlement rights of Gurkhas is fantastic: to refuse entry to soldiers willing to die for this country is not only dishonourable, it barely makes sense. However, I would invite you to play 'Spot the Gurkha' when watching the press coverage of this story tonight. I'll give you a hand. This person is a Ghurka:

And this person is not:

Joanna Lumley's support for the Ghurkas is admirable, but really, the way The Media focusses on Lady Penelope is ridiculous. She is always, always at the centre of the frame, to the extent that yummy grand-mummy Lumley has become the story's defining image, rather than the Gurkha's themselves.

This pair of likely-lads clearly realise this:

Is it just me, or are they standing a bit too close?

OK, two exams done, three to go. I can do this. I am an academic juggernaut! In spite of this, just a short post for now. Enjoy.

Prediction #1: Before a series of freedom of information requests and an independent report on MPs' expenses comes out later this year, and with the hilariously see-through attempt to pre-empt the story falling flat, expect MPs from all sides to be putting second homes up for sale, moving to less conspicuous positions on the benches and, in some cases, retiring to 'spend more time with their [bemused and second-homeless] families'.

Prediction #2: Swine flu is going to be the Indian Summer for quack 'alternative' medicines, before they're ultimately wiped out in the recession. Expect vitamin sales to skyrocket.

Prediction #3: My exams will go so well I will be crowned the King of English Literature! Men will envy my superior analytical skills, and woman will fall at my feet. Also, I will be given a trophy.